Gone With The Wind

My hopes, my dreams, my expectations… Autumn wind has an ability to sneak through even the thickest jacket, driving away the warmth and coziness of the summer that lingered in my body. It’s affecting my mind even more, as more and more negative thoughts settle in.

pardon

my absence that it. If anyone even noticed. Was gone for spiritually cleansing vacation to a place where computers, mobile phones and other electronics are prohibited. But I’m back now, restless than ever. Need to take care of some practicalities right now, so to be continued…

The day nothing happened

First strawberries of the season, storms coming one after another and unusual quietness of my phone… it’s so calm that my broken nail became an event of the day.

But seriously, I am scared because absolutely nothing has happened today. Is it a clue? A calm before the storm? There is usually at least one thing for a day to be remembered for. Today will be nothing. I don’t recal if I ever had such an oridinary day. I find it extremely disturbing.

Tags: life, private, relationships, thoughts

One of those meetings

My head on his knees, his fingers in my hair and the sun on our faces. Only the planes in the sky did not allow us to forget about the surrounding reality. Despite the romantic circumstances it was clearer than ever, that he could never love me and I could never love him. Not anymore. Not after all the emotional mayhem. It is just one of those things we do I don’t even know why. Maybe only to remind ourselves how it hurts. So I can come back home, lay my head next to T’s and know that I’ve made the right choice.

Tags: boyfriend, dating, life, private, relationships, thoughts

daily haiku #1

longing -

the smell of lilac

through the open window

Tags: haiku

The Good Guy

Since my boyfriend is out of town, I’ve decided to catch up with the girl movies. Accompanied by my cat and strawberry smoothie (with a twist of course) watched the Good Guy. The movie, like any girl movie had a happy ending which was obvious from the beginning. But it had at least one thing right this time. Men never change. The cheating scumbag found a new prey to cheat on, and the girl chose the good guy in the end. But… aren’t we all? We like the scumbags, but always settle for the one good one in the end. To answer my own question. Did I settle? My boyfriend is far from being a good guy, but still he’s better than all the ones I dated before him. He’s the rescuing kind, if you know what I mean. My head is spinning around to find million of excuses against the notion of settling now. I can’t believe what I’m writing. I blame it on late hour, the rum in my smoothie and loneliness.

Tags: boyfriend, dating, relationships, thoughts

I wish I could be lazy

I did a lot today. Actually, this is the first time today I’ve sat down with a cup of tea and a little time for myself.

The truth is, I am not happy recently and everything annoys me. Especially the boyfriend and his crazy car, that he rescued from the scrapyard with the intention to restore it to original shape. To that crap I was sewing the seats all day today. Why? Well, I don’t know. I guess I wanted to be a supportive girlfriend. But where is the limit? There is nothing else on his mind than the car recently, no talk about anything else. All house works, shopping, etc are on my head. I’ve decided to give him time to our vacation in July. If he does not stop then, a serious discussion will follow. And knowing my state of mind, that will not be pretty…

Song for today: